I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY THE ILLUSION OF ME BEING STRONG HAS BEEN BROKEN NO DOUBT I HAVE ALIENATED ALOT OF PEOPLE I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE BUT I AM .MY HASSAN IS DEAD NEVER COMING BACK I HAVE TRIED BEING STRONG SAYING HE IS OUT OF PAIN IN A BETTER PLACE BUT DOES IT HELP NO IT DOESNT DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE WHEN A PART OF YOU IS TAKEN AWAY FOREVER IT HURTS SO MUCH AND ITS A PHYSICAL PAIN ALL THE TIME IM DESPERATE FOR ONE TOUCH ONE HUG ANYTHING I BEG ALLAHJI ALL THE TIME BUT I KNOW ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN SO WHY THEN BECAUSE MY LIFE IS NOTHING WITHOUT MY CHILDREN WE WERE A PACKAGE TOGETHER ALWAYS HE KNEW ME INSIDE OUT NEVER JUDGED ME OR GOT MOODY WITH ME LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY WITH ALL MY FAULTS I FEEL LIKE IM SUFFOCATING I CANT DO THIS BUT HAVE TO.MAYBE I DIDNT DESERVE HIM ANYMORE I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE JUST THAT IT HURTS